Lyrical Pain

25 May

(Originally posted 5/3/11)

So, I’m back- back with a post that’s been in the making for about three years and could probably last just as long.

From this day forward I will present some of the best (and worst) lyrics from the pop musical world and will be regularly adding to it when new gems come to light or old ones are recovered. 

We’re talking anything from shit rhymes to deep symbolic meanings; lyrics that both amuse and be-muse and those that are quite simply so shit they slide down the drainage system so fast they manage to mutate and reappear at Seven Trent HQ as solid gold A.Mazing.

Before I begin, I’d like to note how difficult it was to think of a ‘punny’ title for this post. Apart from ‘waxing lyrical’- a pun that plain doesn’t make any sense yet is used approximately 8 times a second across the world, they’re really aren’t any other potential puns on the words ‘lyric’ or ‘lyrical’ at all. So, despairingly, I resorted to an online rhyming dictionary (yes, they really do exist!) and decided on the one above. I know it’s wank but it was that or ‘Sky Lyrical’ or the probably more amusing, but not exactly ageless ‘ITV Lyrical’.

So here we go:

‘Love it when you call me legs, in the morning buy me eggs’ – Lady Gaga – ‘Boys Boys Boys’

‘Baby is a bad boy with some retro sneakers, let’s go see The Killers and make out in the bleachers’ – Lady Gaga – ‘Boys Boys Boys’ A love a bit of artist referencing artist action, me.

‘Muhmuhmuhmah’ – Lady Gaga – ‘Poker Face’ Genius. ‘Nuff said.

‘Are we human, or are we dancer?’ – The Killers – ‘Human’ According to Brandon Of The Flowers, it does make sense coz its out of a famous speech Ok?!

‘But I just can’t date a dude with a Vag’ – Ke$ha – ‘Grow A Pear’ One for your mum there.

‘And, no I don’t want to see your Mangina’ – Ke$ha – ‘Grow A Pear’ Quite.

‘Tryna get my Usher on, but I can’t let it Burn’ – Nelly – ‘Just A Dream’ Again, a bit of peer referencing will get you far in this league.

‘Strippers and the Vicars in the back, First man cracked, jump on the main line track, and I take a little pay okay, and the beat of the big trombone’ – Girls Aloud – ‘Watch Me Go’ Thanks Cheryl…but what?

Spike heels and skin-tight jeans, I gotta fist full of love that’s coming your way baby.’ – Girls Aloud – ‘Graffiti My Soul’ Everyone loves an unneccesary rap every now and then- especially one performed by Nadine Coyle.

‘She’s made seduction a work of art, a PHD with her legs apart’ – Girls Aloud – ‘Racey Lacey’

‘Gimme the ting, gimme the ting, gimme the oh-oh-oh, gimme the ting, gimme the ting, gimme the oh-oh-oh’
Girls Aloud – ‘Revolution In The Head’ Really, the whole song makes no sense, unless its something to do with seizures, which I doubt, but the lyrics are brillaintly bonkers. In fact, I’m thinking a Girls Aloud sub-section might have been a good idea.

‘You got what it takes, you better have some cake.’ – Alexis Jordan – ‘Good Girl’

‘Sex in the air, I don’t care I love the smell of it’ – Rihanna -‘S&M’ I still have no idea why Radio 1 banned these lyrics…

‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!’ Rihanna – ‘S&M’ A 21st century twist on the old anti-bullying message.

‘I’m roasting marshmellows on the fire, and what I’m burning is your attire.’ Rihanna – ‘Breakin’ Dishes’ Genuinely one of my favourite ever rhyming couplets.

That’s all I can think of right now but like I said, there’s LOADS so i’ll be updating again very soon!

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