‘I Wanna Go’ (Back To 2001)

23 Jun

Here’s the shiz. Britney’s new single, ‘I Wanna Go’ is a pretty substandard Ke$ha-esque-robo-pop ditty. In my opinion, it wouldn’t even make the top five tracks from its parent album ‘Femme Fatale’. But apparently, IT’S WHAT THE FANS WANT. To make this work then, ‘I Wanna Go’ needed a pretty great video. Luckily, thanks to director Chris Marrs Pilliero, it has.

In case you couldn’t be arsed to watch that, here are the best bits;

Britney’s ‘fuck you”s. It’s always funny to hear popstars swear. No exceptions.

This song is off Britney’s album, ‘Femme Fatale’ don’t you know. ‘Femme Fatale’. ‘FEMME FATALE’. THIS ONE HERE. LOOK, LOOK AT IT, LOOK AT THE PICTURE. IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THIS WHEN YOU GO TO BUY IT FROM THE SHOPS. THIS ONE. ‘FEMME FATALE’, IT’S CALLED.

Genius Product Placement. It’s a staple of american music videos these days and it’s almost unavoidable. Consequently, if you have to do it, at least do it in an amusing, cheeky kind of way. The ‘VW’ product placement in ‘I Wanna Go’ is brilliantly thrown in. It’s almost as good as the Blackberry Product Placement in the ‘Womanizer’ video. Look it up if you don’t know what i’m on about.

The Mickey Mouse skull T-shirt. Both a nostalgic nod back to Britter’s Mousekateer days and also the death of it. Obviously, innocent Britney died a LONG time ago, but the whole ‘I Wanna Go’ video has a very retrospective, early-Britney vibe to it. It’s almost like every single from ‘Toxic’ to ‘Till The World Ends’ never existed. Britney looks healthy, happy and strangely youthful for a 29 year old mother of two.

Crossroads 2: Cross Harder showing at the cinema. Fantastic reference that there’s actually no need for at all. I love a bit of Postmodernism, me.

The self-conciously rubbish car scenes. At least I hope it’s self-concious.

Other highlights include completely random moments involving milk and seashells and further pop-cultural references to ‘Thriller’, ‘Kill Bill’ and ‘The Terminator’. To point them all out though would ruin it and would provide an irritating and needless blow by blow commentary to what is essentially a fun, throwaway pop video.

The main highlight however, is that Britney at least seems to know exactly what is going on around her, something which seems to be a concious focus of Pilliero’s direction; cheerfully dispelling all the corporate puppet rumours and speculation.

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This Is A Great Promo Pic…

19 Jun

In Case You Hadn’t Noticed…

7 Jun

…this is great.

The debut single from Girls Aloud’s Nicola Roberts is quite surprising and quite brilliant.

I think it’s fair to say there was a whispered concensus of ‘Really?!’ in the music world once it was announced Nicola Roberts had nailed herself a solo record deal. Beneath the might of Coyle and Cole, Nicola and Kimberley were easily the overshadowed ones in Girls Aloud.* (Not a bad position to be in when you really think about it.) That said, Nicola has seemingly won the doubters over with this already critically-praised little tune.

If ‘Beat Of My Drum’ is anything to go by, Nicola seems to have  drawn directly from her somewhat ‘niche’ stance in the band – the unique voice; the unique look- and carved herself a nice little path through the reeds of pop. Her debut is very Justice and MGMT whilst holding onto a soulful Gabriella Cilmi-esque growl, except not incredibly dull.

Although the ‘L.O.V.E’ chorus is as addictive as a bag of Walkers Sensations, my favourite part of the song is the rappy verses. Girls Aloud officiandos will be well aware of Nicola’s considerable skills in this area. The most outstanding of which is evident between the 1.08 and 1.15 points here:

Another of Nicola’s best moments is 2.28-2.39 in this:

Anyway, I digress. Nicola’s foray into solo-stardom could come at no better time. Coyle’s solo debut flunked, Cole is at crisis point, Sarah’s had a go but doesn’t seem to really care and Kimbo’s busy presenting and paying Aggro Santos’s rent. It’s a confident debut that resembles nothing in the charts right now, plus Nicola herself falls neatly between the roles of Famous Popstar and Relatable Singer.

The poor girl has had a lot of stick since winning her place in the band but seems to have now, nearly ten years later, toppled her demons. I sincerley hope some of this dark-to-light shines through in her album, which she has copiously co-written don’t-you-know.

Hopefully we really will see ‘how strong [we’ve] made [her] now’.

Oh, and I like her new teeth.

*I haven’t forgotton Sarah. It’s just that everyone knows she was just the shouty one who got drunk a lot.

Loughborough University: Wanting Your Money Whether You’re A Student, Graduate Or Dead

6 Jun

Today I recieved my monthly quarterly twice-yearly edition of Loughborough University’s ‘Alumni Magazine’; a 32 page list of ways to donate money to the be-all-and-end-all location in everybody’s life, their old university.

This glossy, full-colour publication helpfully informs me of all the different ways I can donate money to Loughborough University, including ‘Grad Gift’; a way to say ‘thanks’ upon graduation. Or even, and i’m not making this up, leaving Loughborough University money in my will. MY WILL. Like, when I’m dead.

Hopefully I won’t have to painstakingly consider this for another 50-60 years but, I wonder if after i’ve forged a hugely successful career, settled down, travelled the world, done things I’ve always wanted to do, eaten things I’ve always wanted to eat, met people i’ve always wanted to meet, loved and lost new and old friends, loved and lost new and old family members, that after all that, the one place I decide I want my life’s savings to go to is to Loughborough University. A place where I occasionally went to lectures and got drunk at for 3 of my 80 years of existence, over half a century ago.

To be honest, I’d rather give it to the cat’s home.

I hate cats.

And I don’t think i’m being unduly harsh, I believe the £20,000+ I’ve already given to their educated selves is ‘thank-you’ enough. And anyway, they’ll only piss it away on sweets sports. ‘Coz that’s one thing Loughborough’s really crying out for; a new Sport Science/Exercise Studies/Crosstrainer Engineering/Tiddly-Winks Study Centre…

By the way, If I ever send a message to ‘Loughborough University Alumni Magazine’ for them to include the notification of my wedding or birth of my first child into their publication (perhaps with an obnoxious accompanying photo!) then please, please, someone smother me with my Loughborough Merch hoodie and quietly shoot me in the head. Cheers.

It’s A ‘No’ From Me.

31 May

Neither series has even begun, yet The X Factor UK and The X Factor USA have been wracking up the headlines nevertheless.

I’d rather not go into the whole unpleasant Cheryl business. I think every possible story, scrap of speculation, dreamt up soundbite and ‘overheard’ conversation from the ever ellusive ‘source’ has already been documented. With still no actual confirmation from Cowell, Cole, Fox, Syco or ITV, chances are we’ll never know what happened to get Our Lovely Cheryl that one way ticket home.

As the speculation goes thundering on however, at least we know one thing for sure about our own series; it’s fucked.

Whether she jumped or was pushed, X Factor producers didn’t even bother to arrange the filming schedule to enable audience favourite Dannii Minogue to reclaim her seat behind the famous desk; despite last year managing to wing it quite easily whilst she was busy having a big fat baby. With all the Syco-Fox induced shitstorm surrounding Cheryl, she was also out of the frame, leaving Louis Bloody Walsh as the only remaining judge of old available to sign a contract. (Simon’s been out for the count ever since he jumped into bed with the Fox network.)

With one audition already cancelled due to lack of preparation and another a matter of hours away, monday evening’s announcement from the ITV press centre seemed more of a ‘Here’s Who’s Famous And Available On Wednesday’ selection process. So here’s our lot for X Factor 2011, beginning in August:

  • Louis Bloody Walsh
  • Gary Borelow
  • ChavDubz
  • Kelly Rowland

It is a known fact of life that the only function Louis Bloody Walsh performs is to enable us all to complain about his ludicrous decisions and the fact that he’s been there EIGHT years yet only won ONCE. ‘Why is Louis Walsh even there?!’ is as much of an X Factor catchphrase as ‘You nailed it!’ or ‘You made the song your own!’.

Barlow is admittedly a brilliant songwriter and his achievements with Take That more than demonstrate that. Pleasant and inoffensive may be perfect for his particular record-buying audience but for an X Factor judge, it will simply appear boring. Sorry, but it will. My fingernails have more charisma. (NOTE TO SELF:- ‘The Fingernails’= good band name.)

ChavDubz- Bratty, miserable, offensive, unqualified and has previously damned the X Factor for its ‘Queue up to be famous’ sensibilities. Someone clearly hasn’t done their homework before hiring this girl. Having garnered huge experience in selling-out as part of the worst urban collective ever to bother the Top 20, I can only hope she was bloody cheap. Clearly ITV are suffering more than most from the economic downturn.

Finally, Kelly Rowland. I like Kelly Rowland. All too frequently passed off as simply That One Off Of Destiny’s Child That Isn’t Beyonce, I hope the show gives Kelly the platform she deserves- perhaps a la Scherzinger. I acknowledge that i’m probably one of very few who can legitimatly name nine (yes nine!) bloody decent Rowland solo/featuring tracks, but non-believers can always hold onto the fact that Queen Beyonce herself may well rock up at her Judge’s House.

I’m apparently not alone in my dismay. A poll conducted by the Sun on monday night resulted in a daunting 72% of readers claiming they were unhappy with the changes. Furthermore, 67% of Digital Spy readers voted negatively towards the new panel or were unhelpfully, at present, ‘unsure’.

Could this really be the end for the biggest TV show in Britain? The judges are out.

Just Because This Is Still Fucking Amazing

27 May

We’ve Moved Home

26 May

Well hello there!

Welcome to ‘…or something 2.0’. The blog’s moved down the road to WordPress as we became a little bit dissatisfied with the last landlord’s housekeeping so here we are in our shiny new home!

It still needs some decorating, and we’ll probably be moving furniture around for a good few weeks yet, but we’ve moved all our old stuff in and we’ve (hopefully) helpfully signposted when and where it all came from, just in case the bailiffs come knocking or something. I don’t really know why that’s important.

Updates will hopefully be coming more regularly from now on although you never know, I might get hit by a bus, or kidnapped by pagan extremists or something.

Anyway, ta for visiting! You can see yourself out.

Jon.